The sphere hangs impossibly in the air, its fluid metal surface shivering, rippling. It demands genetic identification. Karem places her hands either side of it, dips her fingers in and a glow shudders through the thousands of tiny waves cascading across the surface.
‘That level of tech is never going to fall for DNA grafts.’ My voice strains as the seconds around us begin to tighten.
Her eyes bleed fear. ‘I’m sorry,’ she says, stepping back.
She holds her hands up in front of her face, fingers dripping with whatever improbable matter the sphere consists of.
‘Too late for that,’ I say, ‘you triggered a chronal clamp.’
Two months of casing the security of this place only to stumble hacking our way through the antechambers. The orbital vault seems larger now, the breach we entered visible yet simultaneously light years distant. Our ship is close, the east dock of the satellite, but we have no hope of reaching it. So much for the simple crash and grab.
‘There must be something we can do,’ Karem says.
I try to answer but am unable as time flipflops over us . My thoughts skip. My thoughts skip. I try to answer but am unable as time flipflops over us
‘There must be something we can do,’ Karem says.
So much for the simple crash and grab. Our ship is close, the east dock of the satellite, but we have no hope of reaching it. The orbital vault seems larger now, the breach we entered visible yet simultaneously light years distant. Two months of casing the security of this place only to stumble hacking our way through the antechambers.
‘Too late for that,’ I say, ‘you triggered a chronal clamp.’
She holds her hands up in front of her face, fingers dripping with whatever improbable matter the sphere consists of.
‘I’m sorry,’ she says, stepping back. Her eyes bleed fear.
My voice strains as the seconds around us begin to tighten. ‘That level of tech is never going to fall for DNA grafts.’
Karem places her hands either side of it, dips her fingers in and a glow shudders through the thousands of tiny waves cascading across the surface. It demands genetic identification. The sphere hangs impossibly in the air its fluid metal surface shivering, rippling.
Dan Powell 
20 Responses to Loop – #fridayflash
Last week I had an idea for writing a piece of flashfiction that read the same forwards and backwards. On a sentence level that is. The idea proved a bit trickier than I intended, hence the slight cheat of having a time loop conceit.
The story I first envisioned was a more down to earth one, where the rising action of the first half, when reversed provides a falling action to an end that makes sense. I still plan to write that one, but for now, here is my first effort at writing a palindromic (at sentence level anyway) piece of flash fiction.
I wouldn’t call the time loop a “cheat” Dan, I think it worked really well for the sci-fi-ishness of the piece. It was fun for me to study this, and see the decisions you made on the sentence patterns.
Actually it’s a perfect fit for sci-fi. Very clever writing to make it work both ways. I thought it was also a good flash story. Very clever writing to make it work both ways. Actually it’s a perfect fit for sci-fi.
(haha)
@Rosa Say – thanks for forgiving the cheat.
@Cascade Lily – Your comment just made me snort coffee over my keyboard. Wasn’t expecting a comment in the spirit of the story.
out there. i like it, very inventive and tense!
I don’t see anything wrong/cheatish with a chronal clamp!
Very clever, enjoyed it very much
This really worked! Very clever. Nicely done.
Well done! This reminded me of “Crab Canon” in “Godel, Escher, Bach”. Very good company to be in.
I’m sooo glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read Cascade Lily’s comment! I think the time loop worked very well in the story.
I thought the repetitive loop worked perfect. I LOVED it. 😀
Coolio mundo! This really worked. You give a whole new definition to the term ‘experimental’. Coolio mundo!
Peace, Linda
Dan,
This works really well.
My favourite phrase is your opening line, “The sphere hands impossibly in the air”.
Flash fiction is definitely winning me over to sci-fi.
Slight cheat or no, that’s beautiful.
OOO, very cool! Thanks for sharing this little experiment in out-of-the-box flash. I liked the “her eyes bleed fear” line, too!
ROFL Dan. So glad you didn’t ruin your keyboard!! It was a great story!
So cool! A palindromic story!
I think this is my favourite of this week’s batch of tales.
Excellent story. I thought it worked great. Nicely done!
I am impressed. To have enough control in a story to palindrome it (at the sentence level, and to make a verb out of it) is a mastery of writing. Now let’s see you do it at novel length. Just kidding. Dan. Just kidding. Don’t do it.
Now I have a question for you. Why did this appeal to you? As a flex of the muscle, or because you think it has some deeper story value? Because the way you first proposed it, without the “cheat,” sounds intriguing as hell, a way to control the pacing and pitch of a story and make it perfectly bell-shaped.
Jeff Posey
This was both tense and beautiful to me. This is a great illustration of how starting with a strict craft structure can lead a writer to create something very artful.
@Jeff Posey – This was partly a flex of writing muscles but I do think it has value as an approach to flash fiction. I aim to have another bash at this ‘genre,’ tackling a more mundane, kitchen sink style story with this form has me excited. Your description of the pacing and pitch of such a story as ‘perfectly bell-shaped’ is deliciously visual.
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