As I was away over the weekend with no time to post updates for the dares, I figured I would do a list (in no particular order) of my favourite responses to the dares of the last few days:

Dare 3: Write something from the perspective of a sperm.

RHAE: They all opposed birth control but only he favoured abstinence. The mere sight of the urethra scared him. He just wasn’t ready yet.

NORA: He squiggled shyly outside her chambers, unsure if he should knock or barge in. He never really thought this part through.

TESS: The sperm gazed in despair upon his unresponsive flaccid tail. He turned to the ovum. “This must be what you call irony.”

TUCK: In mid-flight, they realized in horror they were the money shot.

OMAR: They stared at him wide-eyed around the campfire. “Ay, me lads. Some died from the collision, spermicide fried the rest.”

I managed a crack at this one:

Hanging about in the sack tired me out to be honest. Think I’ll save my strength and take a chemotaxi to the egg.

Dare 4: Write an alternate ending to the fairy tale “Three Little Pigs.”

ISIS: Pig opened the door, arms outstretched. “Peace, brother.” Wolf was moved to tears. No one had ever before opened their heart to him.

TUCK: Pig opened the door, arms outstretched. “Peace brother.” Wolf paused then tore him to pieces. There was just no challenge with hippies.

RHAE: In his dying moments, the wolf only felt sorrow no one would know the truth. The moneyed class always wrote the fairy tales.

Dare 5: Write a sex scene that incorporates a Michael Jackson song title.

IGOR: One morning, after listening to “Beat It”, young Edmund decided it was time to overcome his fear of onanism.

TESS: They were into creative role play. Today he was The Man in the Mirror. He wore one white glove and it wasn’t on his hand.

UTAH: To thrill her, he decided to try talking dirty. Diana wasn’t used to it. So when he said “Beat it,” she got up and left.