The accordian player had slumped in such a way that the keyboard end of the concertina propped him under his chin. The hand holding the other end had slipped down to his side, leaving that end of the accordian to dandle over his knee. It flexed weakly back and forth, issuing a tiny whining sound, moving imperceptibly like the chest of some premature calf. His sharp features, softened in sleep, were being slowly covered by his hair as it fell further over his face with each mournful breath of the accordian.
The crowd was dispersing now, most of the shoppers deciding they had seen enough of the strange busker. Carla remained in place as those around her recalled where they were going before they stopped to watch, as they reset themselves upon their previous path. As the pavement cleared, she moved towards the musician, slowly, so as not to disturb him. Stopping a few feet in front, she crouched to get a better look at his face. She angled her head to see past the lengthy fringe that had drooped down over much of his face.
‘Karl?’ she said.
‘Do you know this man, madam,’ said a voice behind her.
She turned to face a woman police officer.
‘I’m sorry, what?’
‘I was wondering if you knew this gentlemen.’
Carla thought for a moment.
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16 Responses to [fiction] friday #108
I find it humorous that both of us have police officers in our stories 😉
I find it humorous that both of us have police officers in our stories 😉
A question to certainly think about.
A question to certainly think about.
I liked it. You do well describing the exact positioning of the (dead?) body without seeming clinical and dry. The thoughtful pause at the end was also a good hook to keep your readers interested for part two, if there is a part two.
I liked it. You do well describing the exact positioning of the (dead?) body without seeming clinical and dry. The thoughtful pause at the end was also a good hook to keep your readers interested for part two, if there is a part two.
Ah the question besides "do you know this man?" but "is he dead?"
Thanks, I liked it.
http://uncleteebooks.blogspot.com/2009/06/fiction-friday-june-12-2009.html
Ah the question besides "do you know this man?" but "is he dead?"
Thanks, I liked it.
http://uncleteebooks.blogspot.com/2009/06/fiction-friday-june-12-2009.html
Okay, so it's not Friday anymore… oh well!
The layers made this story work, I think. There was a lot that was left unspoken, but not unthought of, like Uncle Tee's comment on the real question – "Is he dead?"
I liked the woman's reaction – should I admit to knowing him if he is dead? Do I want to deal with the police? Do I want to care?
While reading it, the first part felt more like a trance. You felt like the crowd; unsure of what to make of the accordion player, hesitant to break that moment where all is still. Then it does break and it's like waking up, and you realise that you're watching a simple busker and that you had other things to do. The whole piece felt very reflective of how the crowd perceived what was happening, and I really enjoyed that. I don't know if that was deliberate, but that's how it came across. 🙂
Okay, so it's not Friday anymore… oh well!
The layers made this story work, I think. There was a lot that was left unspoken, but not unthought of, like Uncle Tee's comment on the real question – "Is he dead?"
I liked the woman's reaction – should I admit to knowing him if he is dead? Do I want to deal with the police? Do I want to care?
While reading it, the first part felt more like a trance. You felt like the crowd; unsure of what to make of the accordion player, hesitant to break that moment where all is still. Then it does break and it's like waking up, and you realise that you're watching a simple busker and that you had other things to do. The whole piece felt very reflective of how the crowd perceived what was happening, and I really enjoyed that. I don't know if that was deliberate, but that's how it came across. 🙂
Wow. I'd like to say all of that was deliberate, Paige, but I'd be lying. One of the things that I love about writing is that often instinct takes over and you end up writing something that works in ways you never consciously intended.
Thanks to all for reading and the kind words. I will be returning to this piece when time allows.
Wow. I'd like to say all of that was deliberate, Paige, but I'd be lying. One of the things that I love about writing is that often instinct takes over and you end up writing something that works in ways you never consciously intended.
Thanks to all for reading and the kind words. I will be returning to this piece when time allows.
I did read this last week – but didn't make a comment – but HAD to come on back this week – after your other post. Just wanted to say I am enjoying your work – I liked some of your reflective wording – "Instrument wheezing in sympathy. " and the way you described the crowd.. as if they are an animal in their own right.
welcome to Fiction Friday.. I really hope I see you often here…
I did read this last week – but didn't make a comment – but HAD to come on back this week – after your other post. Just wanted to say I am enjoying your work – I liked some of your reflective wording – "Instrument wheezing in sympathy. " and the way you described the crowd.. as if they are an animal in their own right.
welcome to Fiction Friday.. I really hope I see you often here…
Thanks for the warm welcome, Annie.
Thanks for the warm welcome, Annie.
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