Flash fiction (300 word) first draft removed to be developed into full length short story.
dan powell – fiction
Flash fiction (300 word) first draft removed to be developed into full length short story.
Oh my goodness me Dan. You’ve got me crying. It has been a long time since someone got me teared up.
Everything about this is perfect – the timing, the imagery, the switching backwards from reflection to the present. This is certainly the best of all the stories for #flashfriday I’ve read so far.
Wow! Bloody wow!
What a powerful story Dan. You get us to feel so strongly for a character about whom we know almost nothing about; it is enough that we share this humanity – enough is familiar, and startingly close to us.
This is terrific, truly.
A great short piece of fiction. You had me hooked from ‘shivers in the wind’. Great, tight writing. The first time I heard my mum swear like that shocked me too. Perfectly pitched.
Oh. My.
This is heart-wrenching, mostly because I can see myself doing the same thing in similar circumstances.
You, my friend, have knocked this out of the park. Excellent. I have no criticism whatsoever.
Thanks for the lump in my throat and the pile of used tissues on my coffee table. *sigh*
OMG, You really did make me cry. No kidding. My eyes are still aching.
No suggestions. It’s perfect. Great job.
A beautiful story, I could smell the fresh grass and feel her emotions, so palpably.
Beautiful, sad story. But then, you always write so well, Dan. Thank you for this.
Loved your word choices “when we were younger” gave us a sense of how long they were together, “his cooling fingers”…a small detail that hits you right in the heart and makes it real. Wonderful, touching story!
Dan, what else is there to say. Your ability to make a reader feel for your characters is astounding. You sir, have an amazing talent.
An amazing story of love, loss, grief. A wonderful job, thank you.
My mother still has never cursed. And she is always shocked when I do!
Thanks so much for all the positive comments. I thought this one would get some emotional responses when I posted it. I actually came up with the story while mowing the lawn earlier this week.
Powerfully written, Dan. You can really feel her pain. Good job.
“The smell of cut grass embraces her now, where, in the hospital, kissing the fingers of his cooling hands, it had overwhelmed her.”
Great line.
I curse like a sailor, but the earlier effing didn’t work for me. Spoiled the tone in an otherwise excellent story, in my opinion. If you’re going to drop an F bomb in a piece like this, go for maximum impact and use it at the end, not midway. But that’s just my fucking opinion…
Great flash, Dan. Emotionally charged from beginning to end. Her loss is palpable.
~jon
What a moving piece. I lost it on the last paragraph; a girl shouldn’t cry on her keyboard.
It’s a beautifully written
~2
This is really beautiful.
Unbelievable. I am just stunned. This is incredible work. Thank you for giving us this!
Wow Dan,
Great story. I could smell the grass and feel the earth.
This was my first experience of your writing.
The bar is set pretty high now….can’t wait for more.
(nothing like a little pressure)
Thanks for sharing!
Karen :0)
As always, a lovely piece. I do worry about you sometimes though, you seem to have this need to make your readers cry! And you’re too damn good at it!
Never. Waste. A. Single. Moment. *sniff*
Beautiful example of how focusing on sensory details can capture a world and using a simple, straightforward tone can convey an immensity of emotion.
Excellent job. Simply excellent.
very solid, well done. great pace and feel and pow – the payoff.
Love that final image, that final caress of his final caress, the last track he left in the world. I understand. Good, Dan. Very good.
–Jeff Posey
Wonderful, Dan – truly wonderful. Thanks very much! -K
Excellent story. As others have said, I enjoyed your imagery and characterization.
Beautifully written. Perfectly executed. I loved it!